Okay, a little warning at the outset. Some who read this are not going to necessarily like what I'm about to say, but if they will take time to think about it they may come to agree with my basic thoughts.
What do I mean by "child centered homes" and why is it an unwise trend? The child centered home is exactly as it sounds. Everything revolves around the child(ren). Major decisions are often left up to children. Family schedules are built around activities of the children. If a child struggles in school it's the failure of the teacher. If the child gets in trouble in school it's someone else's fault. If another student looks at the child funny he/she is being bullied.
I sat with a family who was looking to enroll their first grader in our school. After giving them a tour and answering many questions, I asked the parents what they thought about enrolling and was astounded at the answer, "Well, we'll go home and talk about it and see if he wants to come to school here." Really? They were going to let a six year old make education decisions for himself?
Recently a parent met with me about a discipline issue and when I suggested that perhaps the story their child had told them might be just a bit suspect, the response I got, while not surprising, was a bit disappointing. "I can't believe you're suggesting my child would lie. I'll not have you attacking my child and calling him a liar. My child would never lie like that." My thought was, "This child has his dad right where he wants him."
Who of us hasn't heard, "My kids come first in my life"?
Now, let me say, I have three very good Christian kids and five wonderful grandkids. I love them more than my own life. Their mother and I raised them in a home filled with love, support and the best guidance we could give them. We tried to give them opportunities to succeed and encourage them to get up and keep going when they failed, and they did fail from time to time because they are not only human, but they still have a carnal fleshly nature. My kids had no sense of entitlement because we tried to constantly remind them that the world didn't revolve around them and our home didn't revolve around them. If they wanted to succeed they had to work at it, nothing was going to be given to them. We insisted that they work and pay a sizable chunk of their own college costs. Their mom and I weren't going always be around to fight their battles for them so they should not come home whining about homework or a mean teacher or someone picking on them and they didn't. Our kids didn't come first in our home and our lives didn't revolve around our children. They knew they were loved, they knew we were going to pray for them and provide their needs. But we also knew they had to learn to get along in a world where they were NOT always going to get what they wanted, never felt disappointed, never felt mistreated, never got their feelings hurt and didn't have things handed to them. Now before some who are reading this pass out or brand us terrible parents, let me tell you the result. Our kids are all born again believers. They are all independent, hard working, great parents, love the closeness of their family unit. They've gone to college, had their own kids, raised them as they were raised, to stand up on their own two feet and don't waste their time bellyaching or whining about how tough and unfair life is.
There is a danger that comes with this "my child comes first" mentality, a culture that has taught kids that they are entitled to be the center of attention. It has begun to create generation after generation of teens and adults who can't handle failure, live on antidepressants because they were never forced to face disappointment with courage and strength, expect someone else to provide for them and sue anyone who looks at them sideways They look for a handout because they had pretty much everything handed to them their whole lives. I encourage you who are parents reading this, start or continue teaching your kids that the the world does NOT revolve around them and they are only entitled to what they work for. Love them, encourage them, give them a safe place to fall. Let them experience disappointment even though it will make you sad. Teach them a good work ethic and make them earn some of their way. When things get tough in school, in life, don't step in and bail them out. Let them figure their own way to get through it. They'll have to do this the rest of their lives. We ALL want our kids to have good lives. Well, a good life comes with hard work, common sense and a determination to face failure head on and get up and keep going! THAT, my friends is both taught and caught!
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